It would be great if there was one true parenting bible which worked for everyone, but there isn’t. It would take a room full of computer servers to hold data on all the different theories and experiences for successful parenting. Yet, when the going gets tough, people flock to the web to pour their heart out and get some practical advice. What if you don’t have time to trawl through friends’ comments or endless blogs? You need a book you can pull off the shelf and flick to a page to remind yourself you’re not a crap parent. Kids Don’t Come With A Manual could just be that book.
Despite the title and the claim on the cover ‘The Essential Guide to a Happy Family Life” the tone of the book is not to advocate it will change your life. Phew. Unlike some parenting guides, it does not patronise parents, merely talks to them on a level of understanding. Phew again. There is nothing worse than being lectured to ‘àla Gina Ford’.
Perhaps this is because authors Carole and Nadim Saad are not only parents to three daughters but also have years of experience teaching and coaching. Their company ‘Best of Parenting’ offers courses, coaching and they even have a handy trouble-shooting app.
The book’s introduction makes it clear they acknowledge parents may already have good strategies to deal with challenging behaviour. They have designed the book as a manual, something you can pick up when you’re feeling frustrated and discouraged to get some support or guidance. They make it clear, that in the heat of hectic family life, we can sometimes forget the best way to handle a particular behavioural challenge from children. They acknowledge that we adore our children, want the best for them and aspire to a happy and harmonious daily existence. But it’s not always that easy.
Carole and Nadim also identify 3 basic parenting styles. This may be ultra simplistic, there are no true blueprints for our individual characters, but what it does do, is give you 3 points of view with each different situation they write about. The 3 styles are the Strict Parent, the All-Heart Parent and the Balanced Parent (sometimes known as the Authoritative Parent). I am sure we’d all like to consider ourselves as ‘balanced’ but why read a self-help book if you’re not willing to admit certain truths about your own behavioural habits?
This introduction inspired me enough to keep reading. As it is a ‘manual’ I hopped first to some of the chapters where I am experiencing difficulty. Since the birth of my second daughter, I have struggled to give them both equal attention. The younger is needy for simple needs, eating, feeding, clothing while the eldest needs support with learning and emotional situations with friends (and her sister!). As I work for myself and at home, I’m often sucked into work situations after school when the youngest isn’t around. As the eldest amuses herself quite happily, it’s all too tempting to tick a few more things off the To Do List while she watches TV.
So the chapter on ‘(Re) connecting’ with your children (not sure about the brackets, let’s assume we have at one time connecting with our kids) was particularly pertinent. When I do choose to ‘(re) connect’ with my eldest, she doesn’t always respond. Leaving me feeling rejected. I was able to explore this rejection and why it’s most like reciprocating the rejection she feels when I choose to work instead of spending time with her. The book also endorses some techniques I am familiar with and have used when the girls were babies, such as child-led (baby-led), mindfulness and self-reflection.
Making changes in routine and approach involves an investment in time and the Saads don’t shy away from reiterating this message albeit in a subtle and empathetic manner. But it’s clear. If you want to tackle a particular behavioural problem in the family, you will need to pause, assess, observe and listen before reacting. The rewards however, will be worth it, leading to more moments of enjoyable family life.
Of course, parenting gurus aren’t new to our world, it’s big business and there are multiple ‘coaches’ and experts waiting to take your money. But for £12.99 in paperback (£6.99 for the Kindle Edition) I believe this book would be a good investment for any family. Get a free sample at their website to read for yourself. I would also encourage you to download the FREE app available in iTunes or Google Play.
Listen to our podcast review.
