Single (Parent) In The City

An article by Claire Jacobs    3 Comments

Finding a partner is tough enough these days, especially in places like Brighton which are now largely consumed by uni students, hardcore party goers and commitment-phobe bachelors, but add being a single parent into the mix and it feels impossible.

I’ve been single since my 2-year-old son was 6 weeks old and I finally feel ready to try to meet a decent guy for both me and my little man, and I’ve agreed to post my dating experiences on here for you all to see!

From the title of this new, regular feature, you can tell I’m a SATC (slightly obsessed) fan, which is mainly because I can relate to so many of their dating disasters, and at times I may use my ‘inner Carrie’ to give you my theories on single parent dating in 2014.

I’ve never been in the dating game as a parent, and it SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!

I feel like I’m seen as a less attractive catch because I have a small child- I never dated men if I knew they had babies when I was younger, and the only guy I did date that had kids never bothered to see or pay for them, so he was like a non-parent anyway!

People reassure me there are men out there that take on other men’s kids, but I hate that wording. ‘Take on’ makes me feel like it’s some kind of punishment they’re willing to go through to have me.
My son is the only good thing about me, so he’s the thing I should promote with pride!

I now have to date someone that’s worthy of me AND my boy. On a positive note, this will stop me dating people like my atrocious exes, because whilst I may not have standards for myself, I certainly have standards for my boy: - that’s definitely the one bonus of being a single parent dater!

I do want to be with someone again (oh how I miss sofa snuggles, bedtime cuddles and an adult to talk to and make me cups of tea in the evening), but the thought of returning to the dating game petrified me to the point that I kept making excuses as to why I wasn’t actively looking, until I was set a big challenge recently.

An online dating company set me the fun, but terrifying, task to try three different ways to find dates. One of my dates was found using online dating sites and I had multiple dates at both safari dating and vegetarian speed dating.

This forced me to get back out into the big, wide world and to rebuild the confidence I lost through my last, hideous break up. I’m determined to make this year a positive one for me and my son, so getting back into the dating game, and starting to feel like a woman (rather than just mum) made this challenge worth it.

What I’ve found most challenging during this challenge, was what happened after. I got some further dates from the events, but things either dwindled or just randomly stopped. This led me to wonder whether I’m a one date wonder, and what needs to be done to ensure a second date?

I’m not a fan of playing games, or abiding by dating rules though, so it didn’t take me long to reach the conclusion that if things fizzled out, there was a reason for it- not enough chemistry! That’s not my fault, that’s just the luck of the draw, as chemistry cannot be forced.

What I can have control over, is getting myself out there, as the law of probability is that the more you do something, the more likely you will eventually win. Practice makes perfect.

So if you have any suggestions of what I can try in order to meet (decent) men in Brighton (or Sussex in general) please comment below!