Like most women on this earth, I’ve spent many of my adult (and teenage) years attempting to understand the way men think, especially when it comes to dating.
I completely believe that “Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus” as the famous book is titled, and science has shown us that the male and female brains work in different ways.
Women are more ‘emotional’ thinkers, whereas men are apparently more ‘logical’. Now of course there are always exceptions to this, and as adults we can adjust our thinking through various techniques, but on the whole we do literally process things differently.
Is this how men choose us online?
This got me to thinking that if men approach general things in a more logical/practical way, this could also apply to their dating. As you know I’ve signed up to online dating sites, but at the moment I’ve not really been using them, as I have been totally consumed by my son, attempting self-employment and my blog, that I’ve barely even fitted my friends into my recent schedule, let alone dating!
The most I’ve managed is the odd ten minutes on some dating apps (Tinder’s quite an ego boost!), and one particular guy gave me what he feels is the male perspective on online dating. The guy (who shall remain nameless) has been using online dating for more than 6 years and feels he is an expert at dating advice.
This is his view (word for word):
“Online dating can give you some idea of a person’s personality, character, sense of humour, interests etc by how they present on their profile. In a bar or club you approach people with none of that prior knowledge, you are only approaching them if you think they look hot. That’s part of the reason I do online dating.
I don’t like meeting women in bars, pubs or clubs, and British people aren’t very approachable when they are sober, plus I can learn a lot about a girl from her profile and photos and it saves me a lot of time lol.
In order to get success online or even offline you have to understand how dating works for men and women. It’s very different for both. The problem is men behave as they do because of how women are and it’s a vicious circle.
Women have got an idea in their mind that men don’t bother to read their profiles and just look at the photos, and because of that you’ve not put much in your profile. That is understandable- why waste your time writing a profile that no one reads right? This is wrong!
I’ve been dating a long time and have been online dating for over 6 years. If something isn’t working I try and figure out why. The way dating and society is in this country is very different to Europe so I’ve picked up on these things living here.
I’ll give it to you in a nutshell: Most guys are wussy a*** kissers that judge women purely on their looks and ultimately give women all the power, which I think over time has caused a princess-like mentality in women where they think they’re the prize and it is up to the guy to prove themselves as worthy of them.
Women have become used to not having to be proactive in approaching men. They have become used to getting male attention simply by offering sex appeal without the need for any personality. It does explain why relationships, these days, last 5 minutes. People get together too easily without actually taking the time to get to know each other.
Guys that would like to settle down in a monogamous relationship are going to need, whether they actively qualify girls from the outset or not, a compatible personality. What this means for women that do not offer any personality is very short relationships or no relationship at all as the guy has got bored with her as he discovers her personality or he doesn’t bother engaging with her in the first place.
So if you’re looking for a serious relationship with a guy your market is about 1% of the male population in our age range at least. And that 1% of guys are looking for girls who have personality and actually can impress them. So women who have dull, boring, or no profile at all will get skipped right over even if they are HOT! If you skimp on your profile it tells a guy that you could be lazy, aren’t really taking this dating seriously or are arrogant that you think your looks will get him to message you.”
The only thing I couldn’t help but think, was if this guy knows so much about what guys and girls need to put on their profiles to find a decent relationship, WHY ISN’T HE IN ONE?! Why has he been online dating for 6 years without any success?
There were some things he said that just made me laugh- he feels it is our fault and that we see ourselves as prizes; I get where he is coming from, as I do know of some women who have this mentality, but the majority of us are the opposite: We have such low self esteem that we literally take any man that shows us attention, rather than assessing whether or not the guy is good enough. A lot of us constantly worry only about whether WE are good enough for the guys, when I think we should be examining their credentials and worth far more!
So his advice hasn’t really been taken to heart, but he may have one good point about me; If I really want a guy, surely I would be trying a lot harder by making some effort with my online profiles, socialising more and even trying to get fitter to feel more body confident…
So for once, this has shown me how I really am not out looking, and I’m 100% happy with being on my own, so I wonder if someone will now creep up on me and knock me for six, as they say it always happens when you aren’t looking… Hmmm.
