International Women’s Day: conversations with my daughters

An article by Claire Jones-Hughes    No Comments

“You know Mummy,” my 5 year old daughter says, “when people grow up, they have babies.”

“Yes, some people do.” I reply. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

I am a mother to two girls. And this is the first conversation I have had about our potential ‘roles’ and the options open to us as we develop and grow.

I often wonder what the world will be like for them by the time they read adulthood. Will they have to struggle to fit into our western society which largely promotes motherhood and marriage as standard? Will they be forced to fight harder to achieve the career they want with equal pay? Will they continue, as we do now, to hear stories of women denied education, controlled sexually or even killed for their individual ideas. Or even worse, fall victim themselves.

I think people still assume, that on balance, civilisation progresses towards a safe, accepting environment for all. ‘Things are much better than in my Grandma’s day.’ And yes, in many ways they are. But despite unimaginable leaps forward in science and technology over the last century, I am not entirely sure we can benchmark our advancement in social justice and economic mobility for all as successful.

Vasts amounts of power and wealth are still held by so few. Numerous societies across continents continue to manipulate and victimise women. Governments continue to pass anti-gay propaganda laws, even outlawing homosexuality altogether, reminding us of how easy it is to tips the political scales in an anti-evolutionary direction. It is evident to me communities continue to shift towards fear and persecution of those we don’t fully understand or feel threatened by.

I take my responsibilities as a mother to two girls seriously. If they gravitate towards dolls with unrealistic body images, I let them experience it. I am always ready to tell them, Barbie is not real, it’s not an aspiration. It’s important they explore these ideas for themselves.

They watch me put on make-up. A hangover from my own social conditioning. ‘It’s theatre,’ I tell them. ‘It’s fun. But no one really needs make-up.’ I am telling the truth but also justifying my behaviours to them. One day, they may judge me.

Their favourite colour is pink. I tried to influence them away from this but that too, is controlling. After all it is just a colour. And although it is used to denote gender, the colour truly doesn’t mean a thing. But they obviously identify with the colour, it clearly evokes happy feelings.

They play princesses and doctors in equal measure. I say, you can be whatever you want to be. Whatever makes you happy. Deep down I want them to go to University, take advantage of our education system and all the chances afforded to a woman in this society. But if they don’t want to, I will (begrudgingly) support them.

Above all, I will ensure they remember that gender, sexuality or any other individual aspect of their identity should never inhibit their life choices. We can only promise to steer them morally and that they should never proactively inflict pain on others.

I hope they never have to deal with their gender or sexuality as an issue. I hope for them it would be alien to find themselves mistreated because they are female. And if it’s not, I hope they have the courage to change their environment and stand up for what they believe in.