Hard to believe a year has passed since the media furor over the incident which lead to the flash mob. I was on my own, feeding my 4 month old, minding my own business when a group of fellow diners in a cafe decided to tell me what they thought of my actions. At the time, despite my strong reaction and resolve to make a stand, I was vulnerable, tired and completely thrown.

Why Flashmob?

The reason I wanted to do the flashmob plus then answer the barrage of dullard media questions to help them sell papers, wasn’t ‘pro-breastfeeding’ but anti-bullying. The shock element of the story was, how can five people be so hostile to a mum with such a young baby, on her own? How did those people know whether I had post-natal depression or not? How did they know whether I was coping or not? Since when in our society has it been acceptable to treat people in that way?

After the news reports, people wrote to me with their stories. How women had been asked to move or leave establishments with their screaming babies, tuts and comments on the bus because they take shelter on a rainy day with a double buggy. When did we become so intolerant to families bringing future generations into our world? When did we forget we were babies once and our parents probably suffered more challenges to bring up their kids. In 1973 when I was born, there was no maternity leave or pay, no encouragement to breastfeed and no allocated spaces for buggies on the bus. Why would we resist change just because ‘it was good enough’ for former generations? When it comes to breastfeeding, we don’t react as a progressive society.

Getting the Message Right

Since the Brighton Flashmob, there have been more breastfeeding bullying stories in the press. Mums in the U.S. organised a syndicated ‘nurse-in’ at Target stores where a mother was asked to leave and threatened her with a ‘ticket’. Bristol mums descended on a cafe in their hundreds July this year, who got their customer policy very wrong. Breastfeeding is an editor’s dream story on the right news day, as it provokes a baffling, heated debate. But most of all, an increasing amount of mothers want to demonstrate to the world that feeding your baby needs to be normalised in society. We have laws to protect us in the U.K. but it’s attitudes which still need to change.

The pro-breastfeeding message is a complex communication battle that requires diplomacy but desperately needs more resources. This is the work for which the health authorities stretch their budgets super thin to achieve. Health authorities and council’s fight against large food corporations with deep marketing pockets and powerful PR machines. The supermarkets fuel the mutual profits by devoting disproportionate amounts of shelf space to formula and jars of pureed food. The media continues to portray the female body image which sells the most products and the idea that motherhood somehow tampers with that image. Then flick to their celebrity pages to see the glowing faces of pregnant film & pop stars who never looked healthier or happier for that matter.

The truth is, with my first child, I had no confidence to feed in public. I spent weeks with a wonderful breastfeed counsellor, who saw us through 5 1/2 months of feeding but my inability to feed confidently in public had an impact on the whole process. In an effort not to become what I perceived as a ‘cliché mum’, blind sighted to the outside world because I place my baby at the centre of it, I had ignored my instincts. Truthfully, I struggled to understand how the image of a mother’s nipple engaging with a baby’s mouth can be abhorrent or should be hidden away. But the sexual ideas I had about my breasts were overwhelmingly powerful. My maternal instincts to nurture and suckle my child were stronger but couldn’t quite ‘see off’ the underlying fear of exposing myself in public. Quite a strange experience for a woman who was quite happy to flash everyone after a few glasses of wine, before motherhood.

We aspire to live in a tolerant society, some people may say we already do. In that case, we must accept that people feel uncomfortable watching a mother feed. If we want a sensible debate, we have to respect others’ views but only if everyone can agree on one thing: how a mother chooses to feed her thriving, healthy baby is no one’s business.

What was next for me?

The flashmob was a whirlwind of events, especially just before Christmas. I was tempted to campaign more, I was certainly in a good position to after the press coverage. Except I didn’t feel qualified enough. I was one mum, who’d breastfed two kids, had a bad experience and decided to make a bit of a fuss. So I decided to train as a volunteer mum peer support worker, helping at a local Drop-In.

This opened up a whole new world of knowledge and skill. I have been working with and meeting extra-ordinary breastfeeding support workers plus meet new mums every week. It’s a huge responsibility being a part of their life during those first weeks of a baby’s life. The chances are, the mum won’t forget what you say and how you say it, so the pressure is on to listen, give mum space and support in feeding her child. There are lots of hidden heroes in this world, you won’t find them on the pages of the Daily Mail but many are tattooed on our hearts as the people who made us feel like the mum we wanted to be.

For more details on the coverage last year, visit my page.

Follow the Brighton Breastfeed Drop-In Facebook page to find out how you can help support this organisation.

Since that fateful day in December when five strangers decided to bully me in public after breastfeeding my 4 month old, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I rode the crest of the media wave that ensued because I felt strongly about the issue, I did not relish the press attention. At the time, I had so many mums comment on the blog and write me e-mails thanking me for making a stand. I felt obligated to see if through. The whole journey revealed a few cynical and ugly areas of being in the press, trolling and other campaigners questioning your motives. People like to read between the lines or simply make nasty comments, I learned.

However, I don’t regret a single moment. From volunteering at my local drop-in I got the opportunity to train as a mum peer supporter. These are women who, after a period of training funded by the NHS and Brighton & Hove Council initiatives, donate their time at the Royal Sussex Country Hospital and in various Drop-In sessions to support new mums with their breastfeeding challenges. I help organise the Drop-In in Hanover, Brighton, a charitable organisation and haven’t looked back. Working alongside other peer supporters who are so passionate, understanding and knowledgeable (not a hint of breastfeeding mafia before you read between the lines) is such an experience.

When you’re invited into those first few days and weeks of a baby’s life, it’s a privilege. To me, listening to a frustrated, emotional mum and empowering her to feed her baby is far more important than any appearance on Daybreak.

Nicola’s approach to breastfeed support

Just in case you had your head in a paper bag these last few days (with holes in of course) this week is National Breastfeeding Week in the UK. Designed to raise awareness of breastfeeding and the positive effects for mum and baby. We don’t often talk about the challenges but we’d be lying if we said there weren’t hurdles along the way. In this guest post, Greatvine expert and independent breastfeeding counsellor Nicola Dunford talks about expectations of breastfeeding and how to manage them. 

From the moment we discover we are pregnant anything to do with our developing child is an emotive issue. When should I tell everyone? Should I have tests for this and that? Am I a bad parent if I don’t splash out on the ‘super safe’ buggy travel system? Feeding your infant is one such issue that causes so much conversation, and sadly controversy and worry.

As a mum of two young boys and an independent breastfeeding counsellor I have heard the same issues and concerns raised time and time again. One of the most common problems for families seems to be expectations of breastfeeding are very different to reality. As with many child rearing aspects we have input from so many sources, the old wives tales and myths, horror stories from our ‘friends’ and a barrage of media input. It’s difficult to resist trawling the internet to find information but it’s a hotbed of negativity. Stories from bloggers moaning that their meal is spoiled by mums feeding their offspring in restaurants, newspapers reporting stories of mums being thrown off buses because they ‘got their boobs out’ to feed their baby and rows about magazine covers depicting sensationalised breastfeeding stories to increase their sales. It’s rare to see positive media coverage of breastfeeding.

One massive area that concerns me both as a parent and as a breastfeeding supporter is the lack of consistency of messages and information. On the one hand we are delivered messages of support for breastfeeding highlighting the undisputed health benefits to mother and baby. On the other hand we have infant formula cartons claiming to be ‘closer than ever to breastmilk’, and product manufacturers lulling us into a sense of warm fuzziness with their free gifts and ‘baby clubs’……proceed with caution all you parents and bare in mind that when all is said and done these companies are aiming to raise their brand profile and sell you some products!

In my view there is no one solution that suits every situation. When parents are making decisions about how to feed their child, what they need is accurate, unbiased information delivered in an empathetic way without trying to sell you products that you don’t really need. They need to know what is normal and what is not, and when it’s time to ask for help and support. My rule of thumb would be if you feel pain you need support. Whatever you have heard or read ‘normal’ breastfeeding does not have to be painful and if it is for you then I would urge you to seek professional breastfeeding support and advice. If you are distressed or confused emotionally about feeding issues you also need support and the correct person can make a huge difference and allow you to make considered decisions rather than knee jerk reactions that you may regret later. There are so many variables with breastfeeding and the parameters of ‘normal’ are so wide that when all is said and done you need both factual information and advice coupled with empathetic support to unravel your own thoughts and feelings and empower yourself to achieve what feels right for you.

I recently supported a single mum with 9 day old twins. She was struggling greatly with inconsistent information and advice alongside the usual hormonal and emotional roller-coaster immediately after giving birth. I spent time helping her to sift through the information she had been given and decide what she wanted to do, whilst enabling her to vocalise her feelings and thus understand better what she wanted to achieve. The simple act of taking the time to thoroughly think about her feelings enabled her to prioritise her goals. She was kind enough to email me her thoughts afterwards and here is a quote.

“The single question of ‘What are my breastfeeding goals?’ is something I have asked myself in more depth since the consultation, this question made me realise that breastfeeding for me is so much more than just providing my young with the best nutritional & protective properties, it is about how I feel when I breastfeed each baby, about the bond and the love that it brings out in all of us as a little family. Nicola made me realise this and this has helped to clarify the importance of breastfeeding both babies to me.”

You can contact Nicola via her Greatvine profile to discuss your breastfeeding issues and get professional, supportive advice from the comfort of your own home! She’s one of the many experts on health, well-being, and lifestyle you can access via Greatvine.

This guest post is not sponsored, for more information on BrightonMums.com editorial policies visit our terms and conditions page. 

Join the Forum discussion on this post

Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, because by 37 weeks, being a small lady expecting a bigger than average baby boy, I could barely roll off of the sofa, let alone work behind a bar.

Between pregnancy and breast feeding the most hungry baby on earth I didn’t leave the house much during the winter of 2009, which lead me to evaluate what I wanted to do in life, on top of my main job as “Mum”.

I have always been a creative person and somewhere along this journey through parenthood I started making things for my son rather than buying them. I would look at a toy and think “I could sew that!” so I did. It soon became apparent that I had a passion for sewing that I had never fully explored before, thinking back to my childhood I can remember painstakingly hand sewing cushion covers for my bedroom at the age of 8 or 9, so this may have been an unrecognised passion of mine for many years. This realisation was how Just Jasmine Boutique was born.

Now I am known for my cute, handmade children’s items, such as cushions, t-shirts and practical solutions such as mitten clips, dribble bibs and crayon rolls.

I am simply bursting with new ideas for 2012, there will be tonnes of new children’s items hitting my website, along with gorgeous bits for grown ups and even some home décor, plus one or two items that will leave you wondering how you ever lived without them in your house.

Recently I spent a gruelling couple of months designing my own website (I have discovered I have a bit of a D.I.Y approach to life!) and I frequently add new items as and when I make them. To keep up to date with what’s new, you can follow Just Jasmine Boutique on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook using the links below.

There is always a dedicated page on my website for upcoming special occasions such as Valentines Day, Mother’s day and Easter, where you can buy divine, handmade gifts for special people in your life, or point out things you desire to your significant other!

I am also running a special giveaway, in honour of this blog. All you need to do is sign up using the link below and at the end of April I will draw 3 names from a hat and each winner will get to choose from a selection of free gifts, handmade with love by Just Jasmine Boutique. Tell your friends because if they say you referred them when they sign up your name goes into the hat again!

To enter free giveaway: http://www.justjasmineboutique.co.uk/page78.html

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/JustJasmineBoutique/232999143395988

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/JustJasBoutique

The Argus headline stated, ‘Brighton breastfeeding flash mob creates a media frenzy’ and they weren’t far from the truth, relatively speaking. Crews from BBC South East and ITV’s Meridian interviewed mums taking part and myself, with the BBC broadcasting live from the event. Photographers from The Argus, The Press Association, Reuters were snapping away. The story went out on the wire and was posted on-line by The Daily Mail, The Mirror and BBC News. Last but not least, radio got in on the act with BBC Sussex conducting a phone in on breastfeeding between 1pm and 4pm. The images from the paps were stunning and once they had all gone, the mums hung around chatting and getting to know one another. It was a community event, not representing one organisation or political group – a cross section of mums from across the city.

By Thursday evening, I was ready to curl up with a small glass of wine and rest. Except ITV called again but this time it was Daybreak. ‘When you say you want to interview me, where would that be exactly?’ I naively asked. ‘From the sofa at the studios,’ was the reply. The sent a car, organised a hotel and by 8pm we were chilling out in the lounge bar with the kids. I wasn’t as terrified as I thought I’d be. Mostly because I kept getting comments on the original post, on Facebook and e-mails from mums sharing similar stories and thanking me and the other mums for taking a stand and showing solidarity to breastfeeding mums. It spurred me on to the next media interview, I kept telling myself, ‘You have to do this.’.

The only thing left for me to do is thank all of those who helped make it happen. Firstly, those who spread the word and recruited mums. Plus all those who made it on the day and took part. It’s clear without these people it would not of happened at all. Thirdly, Jo Wadsworth for nudging me in the right direction and getting the story out there. Suzanne Borrell from Baby Expo published press releases and handled media on the day. God knows we needed her and the clipboard. Chelle McCann was at base camp capturing the media content and posting to You Tube. She was also head Brighton cheerleader, backing me up all the way. We robber her beautiful Fizz of her 2nd birthday too! Saving the best thank you for last, goes to my family (yes, I know, it’s not an Oscar speech) above all my husband. He had a week off to do Christmas things but sacrificed his time to look after the kids while I rattled off 700 words for the Guardian for a short deadline.

I nestled myself in the front row of the flash mob, naturally (diva? Moi?), a seemingly timid, quietly spoken mum with a 10 week old baby was sat next to me. She gave her thanks for organising the mob. ‘It’s hard enough establishing breastfeeding, let alone getting the confidence to feed in public.’ It’s for her and those reasons we came together, all the media attention in the world couldn’t make up for that.

I’d like to track all those who took part on the day for feedback (not necessarily for public use). Please e-mail me with your details: brightonmums@gmail.com

Here’s our gallery of the day.

What you need to do now:

Tell your network!
1. Put it in your diary. It’s a family friendly event, so bring your little ones!
2. Share the link to this post with your friends and mums groups via social media.
3. There’s a Facebook event, please accept that so we can get an idea of numbers.

On the day:
Turn up before or at 1pm, make yourselves warm/ comfortable to feed with your baby. As we are organising this pretty much on the hop we won’t be able to bring any equipment i.e. chairs or cushions although you are welcome to do so. The main purpose is to gather together publicly and show support but we obviously want to raise awareness, so there will be photographers & people taking video footage. We will organise the group so that those who don’t want to be captured are e.g. according to where they are seated or facing. You don’t have to be a breastfeeding mother to take part, we want as much support as possible to show the city that the wider community supports us.

Contact us if:
You are a business that can donate teas/ coffees or snacks (or anything else that breastfeeding mums like).
Photographer, video or audio specialist to capture some footage of the event. We probably won’t need more than 1 hour of anyone’s time.
brightonmums@gmail.com

After a swimming session, me and my 4 month old grabbed a late breakfast at Wai kika moo kau. The staff are friendly, the food is good and I always feel comfortable enough to feed there. As the table next to me were leaving, a woman from the group of five adults, ranging in ages from about mid-40s to late 70s, spoke to me. “It was very unpleasant watching you feed, you should have been more discreet.”. I snapped out of my state of shock to retort, “It’s illegal to prevent a mother from feeding in a public place, I have every right to be here”, to which she replied, “I’m saying you should have covered up more, we could see everything.” I was aghast “It’s the most natural thing in the world to feed a child and I think I have been discreet.” I said, pointing at the pocket I had made among my layers to pop my JJ cup breast out. At this point all five of them joined in to ‘tell me off’, disputing the fact I was being discreet. The only male in the group remarked, “Most women use a towel to cover themselves, you should have used a towel.” This only left me feeling more desperate. I realised they weren’t going to listen, they wanted to put me in my place. The staff were busy elsewhere but thankfully a wonderful gentleman came to my rescue, helping me argue my point. He saw them off, standing at the cafe door shouting “You should get in the 21st century!”. Bravo.

I burst into tears. Firstly because it was just me and baby, I felt extremely vulnerable, despite the support of another customer. I had been publicly bullied, plain and simple. Secondly, I had already had a challenging week balancing life with toddler and baby, this tipped me over the edge. With my first child I was terrified, like many women. Being of ample bosom makes it slightly worse, as I can’t help but give people a 10 second viewing of flesh in order to feed. The woman who led the attack must have honestly only got a flash viewing of my nipple when Boo decided to pull herself off. I’m happy to admit that before I had children, I was uncomfortable with seeing it but just put that down to my social conditioning and opened my mind. Now I’m on the other side of the fence, living the life of a mum with a baby, I see how essential and perfectly natural it is to feed your child wherever and whenever you can. I prefer to cover up while feeding, I often throw a muslin over, or wear layers from which I can pop the nipple out (which was my attire this morning). What is so ‘unpleasant’ about seeing breasts being used exactly the way nature intended? What a warped society we have manufactured in the western world. We tolerate the dangerously young glamour girls on Page 3, which I’m sure some people browse while they are eating. Why is that not unpleasant? Would this group have found that offensive, if I’d been flicking through Nuts or FHM at the table in plain view? Would they have said anything if it did? Realistically not.

This isn’t the first story of its kind but I want to make it among the last. In the last few months I have heard tales of mums being asked to stop feeding by staff in public swimming pools and Churchill Square McDonalds. Thankfully Wai kika moo kau are supportive of feeding mothers and the manager was quick to tell me the customers were out of order and I’m most welcome. Our topic drifted towards the law, he didn’t realise it was not legal to prevent a mother from feeding in public, so it was comforting their supportive attitudes are genuine, not just from the fear of being sued. Knowing I was protected legally, gave me enough confidence to stand my ground, five against one, no less. Women are not obliged by law to be ‘discreet’ or cover up either. Some of us choose to do so through personal choice, although now I’m beginning to wonder what is the point.

I’m in a fighting mood but I won’t be rioting, just using my keyboard and social media for moral support. As a backlash to this attitude I’m organising a Breastfeeding Flash Mob Thursday 15th December. Details are here.

Image: twobee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Confusion arose yesterday when a lady was asked to move from the poolside when she started to breastfeed her child. Unfortunately the duty manager didn’t handle the situation very well leading the mother to feel discriminated against and generally unsure of the pool’s policy. They have acknowledged this fully and are now exploring how better they can cater for breastfeeding mothers.

Tracey, from Brighton had been sat at the edge of the pool as a spectator in her day clothes, for nearly an hour, watching her 6 year old son swim at the Prince Regent Swimming complex before starting to feed her 6 week old daughter. Five minutes into the feed, a member of staff approached her and asked her if  she was breastfeeding. She replied, ‘yes’ and he asked her to move to the foyer by the vending machines. Upset and shocked by this, the mother went to the reception to ask for the manager, who it turned out was the same member of staff who had asked her to move. Tracey says he asked her to move on grounds of decency and also stated, when asked directly by her, if she had been bottle feeding, she would not have been asked to move. BrightonMums.com have since spoken to the pool’s management who have made their policy a little clearer:

- any form of food or drink is prohibited at poolside for health & safety reasons, mainly as they need to reduce the risk of contamination to the water. This would include bottle feeding, despite what the duty manager confusingly declared.

- other risks of feeding poolside is accidents may occur where the baby falls into the water. They need to reduce this risk where possible.

The complex have apologised unreservedly to the mother, stating that the staff were a little out of their depth when confronted with the issue and realised they could have handled a whole lot better. They accept that the above policy should have been made clear at the time. The pool’s Operations Manager drew attention to the fact they run Squeaky Frogs swimming sessions for mothers and babies, where mothers routinely feed anywhere in the complex. He re-itterated that many of the staff are parents and they understand the confidence issues of mothers and public feeding and fully support their right to do so. After speaking to the pool, Tracey feels happier that this was all a misunderstanding and gap in staff training, however, they still need to further clarify what mothers need to do to feed, if they are using the pool with two children under 8, one being a young infant.  After all, it is the school holidays and parents want to be out, keeping their kids amused and spending quality time together a family. The Prince Regent are further investigating this and have suggested working with Tracey and BrightonMums.com to develop their breastfeed support & facilities at the complex.

Breastfeeding in public is protected by law by the 2010 Equality Act and 1975 Sex Discrimination Act. In Scotland, preventing a woman from breastfeeding in public could cost you a £2,500 fine. Fortunately, with a few friendly telephone calls the centre have limited the damage and reassured the mother. However, she had already posted a rant on an open Facebook group which puts the matter ‘out there’ in a public domain. With the increased use of social media by parents, it demonstrates how essential it is that establishments train their staff on the law and parental rights plus how to deal with any complaints and issues that arise. If not only for legal reasons but also to empower mothers to feel confident about feeding wherever and whenever they need to.