Single Parent (Dating) In The City: Don’t Hate The Playa Hate The Game?

I spent most of my late teens and my early twenties living by the motto: Hate The Playa Not The Game.

I LOVED the dating game because I loved the hunt, well more specifically, I loved being hunted. Don’t get me wrong, the “game” can be really frustrating, and I remember I would have the huge buzz of a great date and then as soon as I woke the next morning it would turn to the anxiety and questions of whether I would hear from them again.

Slowly as the day went on, the excitement would turn to dread, I would look at my phone every ten minutes, test it was working and wonder if they were playing the 3 day rule to look “cool”.

I would chat with girlfriends and we would debate a hundred times over of the many reasons it could be that I didn’t hear from them.

Looking back I cringe so much about this, but I can see how easily it can be done. Since having a child and being very aware that I am nearly the dreaded 30, I AM BORED OF THIS GAME.

I don’t want to waste days on end wondering if I’m going to hear from a guy, because I now live by the simple motto: If they like you, they will make it known and will get in touch. If they don’t, they won’t.

I’ve been seeing a guy recently and at times it’s been really hard not to get sucked back into the old game I used to play. We clicked in such an amazing way over the phone, which I found out the other day was what he felt too, and then we had a great date and then he went all up and down on contact. So I thought he wasn’t interested, and to be honest I was gutted as it was the first guy I’ve met in a very long time that I felt comfortable with from the start, and could just be….me.

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But then he randomly asked to visit me and we had another great evening. I went against “the game rules” and outright told him how I felt about not being contacted and he said that he did’t want to show his feelings because he was a man, and he told me that by me contacting him I was on the verge of looking “too keen”. Eh?!  He was quiet, because he didn’t want to play it wrong.

When a guy likes me, I’ve always known because they have been in touch often after dates as they are thinking of me and want to see how I’m doing, and his response to this was that he wanted to take things slow. I completely understand that, after being a mum to my boy by myself for nearly two and a half years, I am pretty petrified to care about someone else again if I’m honest. So no, I don’t want to rush anything either, so it baffles me that by asking how he is by text, I am coming across as too keen…

So even when I’m not playing a game and just being me, I forget the others may still be playing a game and little things like a text can be a make or break thing.

Is that really what we have got to in the current dating climate?

Regardless of how it looks, I am still going to get in touch with people if I want to, and if they see that as off putting, then they do. I will always stay true to me, and what you see is what you get. And if that puts guys off, that’s a real shame, because apparently I’m one of the rare women out there that doesn’t play games and in no way ‘needs’ a guy, they would just be a lovely bonus. I hope he will adopt the same attitude and give it a try, but we shall see…

 

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About Claire Jacobs

Single Parent to 2-year-old Chunk, and in my 'spare' time a Freelance Social Worker, Journalist, Copywriter, Proof reader and Sub-editor. Parent, Lifestyle and Plus Size Fashion Blogger to boot! http://singleparentpessimist.co.uk

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One Comment on “Single Parent (Dating) In The City: Don’t Hate The Playa Hate The Game?”

  1. I believe, when you’re truly comfortable with yourself, 100% be yourself and ditch the games then you surround yourself with the right kind of people. And that could be a partner but it’s not the be all and end all!

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